Not feeling like yourself in perimenopause
Updated: Oct 29
You’re still doing the things. Turning up to work, remembering what needs buying and answering the questions that somehow always find their way to you. From the outside, life may look much the same.
But you’re wondering when it started to feel like such an effort?
Perhaps your patience has become surprisingly thin. You’re checking decisions you would once have made without a second thought. Or you catch yourself thinking, “I used to be more fun than this.” Then the next thing needs doing, so you carry on.
When you don’t feel like yourself in perimenopause, it can be hard to put your finger on what you need. Fewer symptoms? A little more breathing space? Permission to admit that something needs to change? You may need a bit of each. We can give those questions some space without expecting you to have all the answers.
What may be changing during perimenopause
Perimenopause is the transition leading up to menopause. Alongside changes to your periods, you may notice changes in mood, sleep, memory or concentration to name just a few. Poor sleep and tiredness can often make some of these experiences feel worse.
Of course, life hasn’t politely paused while your hormones do their thing. Work, relationships, caring for other people and your own health still need attention. If changes are worrying you or getting in the way of daily life, have a conversation with your GP. You deserve support with what is happening, rather than having to work it all out yourself.
There is also the meaning you attach to what is happening. Forgetting a word is one moment. Deciding afterwards that you are no longer competent at your job is a much bigger conclusion. Both may feel real, but they give us different things to work with.
Is it a symptom, a need or an expectation?
When everything feels tangled together, take one recent moment and look at it from three angles.
First, describe the experience: “I lost my train of thought in the meeting.” Keep it factual, as though you were explaining it to someone who wasn’t there.
Next, identify what might support you: a few notes, a pause to gather your answer, or a conversation about symptoms that keep returning.
Finally, notice the expectation in that moment: “I should always answer immediately.” Is that a requirement of the situation, or a standard you’ve become used to setting yourself?
This won’t magically make the symptoms disappear. What it can do is help you untangle the moment a little. You might need a health conversation, a practical adjustment or a kinder look at the standards you’re setting yourself. Sometimes, all three. And understanding your own menopause journey is the first step.
Which parts of your old life still fit?
“I want to feel like me again” may mean you miss your energy, confidence or enjoyment. It may also mean that the arrangements you’ve lived with for years are beginning to feel uncomfortable.
Perhaps being available to everybody no longer feels manageable. Perhaps you’re tired of fitting your own interests around whatever time is left over. You can value your life and still want to change something within it.
Start with one preference you have been overlooking. Would you like a quieter transition after work? More time with a friend? An evening that doesn’t automatically become an opportunity to catch up on everyone else’s admin?
Choose something specific enough to discuss. You do not need to reinvent yourself by next Tuesday.
Your menopause choices remain yours
I’m interested in the ways we can support ourselves naturally through menopause, and I also fully support women who choose HRT. Your choice deserves a proper conversation about your health, preferences and the hormonal and non-hormonal options available. There is no prize for getting through this with the least help.
At GLOW, there’s room to talk about the parts that can be difficult to explain in a quick “How are you?” We might explore the self-doubt after a work blank, the pressure to keep everyone happy or how to say what you need without immediately apologising for it. That work can sit alongside your healthcare, with a focus that makes sense for you.
If that sounds like a conversation you’d find useful, book a discovery call with me. It’s a short first conversation about what feels different, what you’d like support with and whether my approach fits.
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